does it ring true it does

I just re-watched A Single Man and loved it, again.  Just like the first time, it’s put me in a contemplative mood.  I still remember watching that movie for the first time at Cinema Nova and gushing to a friend about it afterwards.  It feels like it was yesterday, but the movie came out in 2009, about five years ago.

I don’t think much has happened in my life since then.  Well of course, things have happened.  I moved out, I bought an apartment, I moved cities, etc.  But at the same time, it feels like nothing has happened.

There’s this quote from the movie:

You know that only thing that has made the whole thing worthwhile has been those few times that I was able to truly connect with another person.

I don’t know how much I’ve truly connected these past five years.  It feels like as we get older, the connections become more and more superficial.  Or perhaps things just become more complex and difficult to put into words, too difficult to share.  Perhaps as we get older, we put up more and more walls.

I am now about one week shy of hitting my 30s.  The other night, I had dinner with someone I used to teach in youth group who I now consider a friend.  He’s 21.  That made me feel old.

I hope my 30s will be more living, less worrying.  Less inhibitions.  More expression.  More decisiveness, stemming from better knowing who I am and what my boundaries are.  Being more comfortable in my own skin.  Continuing to grow and develop as a person.  As an individual and as a fellow human being.

There’s another quote from the movie:

It takes time in the morning for me to become George, time to adjust to what is expected of George and how he is to behave. By the time I have dressed and put the final layer of polish on the now slightly stiff but quite perfect George I know fully what part I’m supposed to play.

How much of who we are and what we do is truly being, rather than playing a part we think we’re supposed to play?  That’s something that crosses my mind often, as I watch on while my friends are settling down, getting married, having kids.  Is that what I want for myself, or is it just the part I think I’m meant to play?  I feel like I’ve lived the first 30 years of my life by the book.  Now that I’m 30, there’s definitely no excuses for my decisions.

I was reading A Million Little Pieces on my holiday, and there’s a part where he’s reading a book on Tao, and while he’s reading it he constantly asks himself, does it ring true it does.  I don’t really know what I think is true anymore.  I guess on a day to day basis, it’s not the sort of thing you need to know.  But I think everyone needs a core set of values, principles and beliefs to live by, otherwise they’ll be like a ship in the wind.  Flip floppy.

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